Dear Friends,
I was on a flight last week and there was a TON of turbulence. Every time the plane swerved and dropped, I white knuckled the hand rests a little bit tighter, bracing every inch of my body against the movements of the plane. I was praying like a maniac (and probably cursing in equal measure), and my breath had become quick and shallow.
Then I remembered the last time I breathed like that. It was when I delivered my first son. Having been a meditator — a professional breather — for more than a decade, I thought labor would be doable, if not easy. I figured I would just focus on taking really deep breaths.
Well, 8 hours in, I was screaming, writhing, and barely breathing at all. Every part of my body was in agony, bracing against the pain. I felt like I was going through a juicer — one half being squeezed in one direction while the other half squeezed in the other. It was incredibly difficult.
With my second son, I was headed down the exact same road. The pain came quickly and fiercely. My body braced and I started alternating between screaming and hyperventilating.
But then something strange happened. Out of nowhere, I realized that if I stopped screaming, stopped the shallow breaths, stopped bracing against the pain and just dove in — head first — into each contraction, I stopped experiencing it as pain. "I" seemed to disappear entirely into the pure experience of each rise and fall. I know it sounds weird, but that is how I experienced it. After each wave, I seemed to coalesce again — become a person again — and then when the next wave came, I dove in. I dissolved into it. It was just happening. And then my son was born.
So back to the turbulence. I remembered this strange surrender with my second son, and how radically different it made the experience than all the bracing with my first. I decided to try the same thing — complete surrender — into the turbulence. After all, in what world was all this bracing actually making any difference? Did I think I could affect whether or not the plane crashed with my sheer force of will and how hard I clutched the armrest? (Yes, I did. But that was insane.)
So I let go. I released my grip. I stopped bracing. I imagined I was in a wave, and as the plane pitched up and down, left and right, I just let my body ride each movement. Completely and totally.
And the fear disappeared. Instantly. There wasn't anywhere it could stick. "I" was no longer a PERSON charged with SAVING THIS PLANE from seat 20F. All there was was movement.
In the week since, I've been chewing on it — trying to integrate it into my daily life. There are upteen moments in daily life where I am fake-flying the plane of my life. I'm tense. I'm braced. I'm trying to control things way outside of my control. Maybe I can't let go of the wheel in quite the extreme way I did on the flight, or in childbirth — but maybe I can release just a little more. A pinky. A ring finger. Someone doesn't like me. Everything is going to hell. My kid is struggling. Perhaps I can tend to my own heart in these situations, releasing some grip on what I didn't have control of in the first place, helping me to better see what I can do with this small "wild and precious life."
Perhaps you can too? Have you ever had a surrender moment like this? I'd love to hear about it.
With so much love, Yael
PS: Know someone who needs to hear this message? Please forward along to them and encourage them to sign up HERE
Retreats!
There is nothing quite like a retreat to jump-start (or deepen) your practice, re-set your life, and reconnect you to what really matters. I am co-teaching on a bunch this summer - hope to see you there!
Jewish communal professionals, it's time to refill your cup! Join Adamah for
ReTreat Yourself! Ramah Ojai Edition (California) from
June 5-7, 2026. This song-filled R&R retreat is fully subsidized and will feature Scholars in Residence Rabbi Deborah Anstandig of Pardes Institute and myself. Together, we'll connect over the Shabbat table, learn Torah, enjoy nature, rest, move our bodies, and more.
Learn more and sign up today!
Awakening the Divine: A Jewish Meditation Retreat by Or HaLev & The Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies With
Rav James Jacobson Maisels & Yael Shy
June 30-July 5, 2026 // Garrison Institute, NY
Registration open now (this retreat sells out every year):
https://www.orhalev.net/awakening-the-divine#pay-now
Being with What Is: A Jewish Meditation Retreat for People in Their 20's and 30's by the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. August 18-23, 2026// Trinity Conference Center, CT - Registration opens soon - save the date!
